5 Years Ago

Dear Hermione,

Five years ago tonight I was waiting for your Daddy to get home from a baby shower his work friends threw him. I was watching Kelli O'Hara in Carousel on PBS. I was still at least two weeks from becoming a mom. Or so I thought. At midnight my water broke in a very dramatic fashion. By 1am my contractions and were fast and intense. After 10 hours of intense labor and 2 plus hours of pushing you were born and my life was forever changed. I loved you the moment I met you. I wept and shook when the doctors placed you in my arms. "Hi there!" I said to you. I had known you forever. 

The day you were born was truly the beginning of my life. I was never sure I wanted to be a mother. I never had a maternal instinct or a desire to hold other people's babies. You changed all of that. I barely put you down for the first 14 weeks of your life. Half because you demanded be held and half because I was so intoxicated with you. 

The past five years with you have been nothing short of miraculous. Watching you grow and learn has been the greatest gift of my life. Not a single day has been easy and I wouldn't trade any of them. You are headstrong, willful, and determined. You have known who you are and what you want since the moment you were born. That has only intensified in the years since then. 

Watching you turn from a toddler into a kind, smart, thoughtful and loving little girl has been amazing. You care deeply about those you love. You are always comforting a sad friend and complimenting one you think did a good job. You share your toys, your encouragement and yourself without being asked. You are the first to offer a friend a hug, a bite of your snack, a turn at a game. 

You have a flair for the dramatic that shows through in everything you do. Some people put on sweats when they get home after a long day. You are most at ease in a sparkly gown or tutu, dress up heels and a crown. You wear your Jack Skellington necklace like a talisman. You have a style all your own. I hope that never changes. Don't give into trends. What is "in" doesn't matter. Only what you feel good in.

Recently I have been asking you what you want to be when you grow up. Your answer is always the same. "Everything in the world. But first a mermaid." I know you will be whatever you want to be dancer, doctors, writer, mermaid.

Tonight before bed we were wrestling and having a pillow fight in my bed. You won. Ok, I let you win. Afterwards you said, "Mommy, even though you lost I still love you. I will always love you. Even when I am a grown up. Even when I am an old lady. I love you with all of my heart."

I will love you until the end of time my baby girl. Happy 5th Birthday! I can't wait to celebrate you tomorrow!

All my love,

Mommy