A ( Non- Exaustive) List of My Worries For This Fall
Back in March, as COVID was just beginning to hit NYC and everyone was in a panic I remember one of my dear friends and neighbors saying "see you in September" to me as she shoved bag after bag of her family's possessions into her car. At the time I didn't believe it. I truly thought that this would last only a few weeks, maybe a month tops and by April life would resume. How wrong I was. Now after 5 going on 6 months of the pandemic I can clearly see this truly is a "new normal" and life as we knew it isn't coming back anytime soon. As we transition from summer to fall I find myself facing a whole new set of worries. I hope that my sharing them here makes you feel less alone. We are all going through this together after all.
What will NYC feel like?
As you know, my family and I stayed in NYC from March until the end of June, during the darkest days of the pandemic. We have been upstate now ( as we are every summer) for what will be two months and there is part of me that is nervous to go back. What will the city be like? In June NYC was certainly starting to wake up and feel more alive but news reports of an uptick in crime, many families moving for good, and many businesses not reopening has me a bit worried for what I will find when we return home.
Will any of my friends be back?
Many of my friends have already made the decision to leave NYC for good and are already gone. Several more have said they will stay away for at least a year if school does not resume in person. When all is said and done will I have any friends left? Will I have to start over creating new friendships with people who have decided to stick it out in NYC like me?
How will we interact with friends?
Come September I will not have seen many of my close friends for six months. We have all had very different experiences with this pandemic. Some of my friends are still keeping themselves fairly isolated in remote locations. Some cannot understand my decision to remain in NYC during the height of things. Some have been attempting to resume life a bit like myself. What will it be like when we finally see each other? Will we hug? Will I be welcome inside their homes? Will we will have dinners and drinks together? Will our children be allowed to play together? Will I have to stay 6 feet apart from women who have been my closet confidants since Hermione was born?
Can Hermione (and I) handle more remote school?
As of now Hermione will begin the school year remotely. Her school will re-evaluate in October if they will open on a half day, hybrid schedule. When I heard this news I was very sad for her. Remote school was very hard on our relationship last spring. We had many, many screaming fights over her school work and I do not want to relive that. I am hoping we can enter this new school year of remote school in a calmer place and not bite each other's heads off as much.
Will I have anytime for myself?
With Hermione home for the indefinite future (Portia is going back to school) and Doug going back to his office I wonder if I will have any time to myself. I will not have much freedom to come and go during the day as I have to help Hermione with distance learning. Will I be able to carve out pockets of time for myself even while staying home with her?
Will everything shut down again?
When I think back to March, April and May I begin to choke up. My breath catches. I can feel the heaviness of that time so viscerally. The isolation. The fear. The constant barrage of bad news. Will we go back to those deep dark days again? Will this winter be a repeat of last spring?
Amidst all of these worries I am trying to stay positive and optimistic. I am very much looking forward to fall in NYC, no matter how different it feels this year. I am excited for crisp weather, outdoor dining and takeout from my favorite places, seeing (masked) faces I have been missing for months. I am constantly trying to surrender to the unknown and allow myself to find joy and pleasure in the little things. A decaf oat milk cortado from Jack's Coffee. A walk by the water in Battery Park. Falling asleep on my couch while Doug watches baseball. My last birthday of my 30s!
If you are feeling any of these too or have figured out ways to lessen the worry and stress, I'd love to hear from you.
