Gratitude Where Least Expected

I tend to bolt through life in a blur, moving from one thing to the next. With my chaotic pace and frantic schedule I rarely leave myself time to sit and reflect. To truly appreciate all that I have and be grateful. In a world of social media implied perfection it is so easy to constantly compare our lives to others. To think that everyone has it better. I can easily find myself feeling down and less than more often than I readily admit.

A week or so ago my sister had the most beautiful, intimate, moving, fun wedding. It was one of those rare moments where time stood still. The air was filled with nothing but love. The members of my splintered, divorced family who are rarely in a room together were able to celebrate a common joy. It was magical and filled me with so much gratitude.

As I mentioned in my wedding toast that night, milestone moments have been very hard since I lost my brother many years ago. At my sister’s wedding I could truly feel him there with me. He was laughing at my speech. He was crying when his baby sister married the love of her life. He was on the dance floor all night. I am grateful that those we lose never really leave us, not if we are open to their enduring presence.

My brother left behind three little boys who have grown into the most remarkable young men. At my sister’s wedding they danced with Hermione all night long. Taking turns when her 6 year old boundless energy, non stop splits and jumping wore them out. I could feel my brother next to me watching them, smiling at our children together. I am grateful for generations of family and the legacy of my big brother that lives on in his boys.

In the busy day to day of parenting two young children Doug and I rarely find time to have fun together and connect. At my sister’s wedding we found ourselves drinking champagne and dancing like we did at our own wedding. We laughed and kissed and had more fun than we have had together in a long time. Later that night, back in our hotel room we ordered coconut sorbet and french fries to eat in bed, something we haven't done in many years. I am grateful for moments that remind me why I chose to walk though life with him.

My father is 81 years old and the thought of him not being here one day makes me shudder. He is a massive force in my life and I can’t imagine what it will feel like when he is no longer around. At my sister’s wedding my father seemed like a much younger man. He gave one of his famous toasts we all look forward to. He cried and drank and danced. I am grateful for his health and all that he has given me in this life.

My mother and I have not always had the smoothest relationship. It took us until very recently to heal the scars and baggage we both have been dragging around from my childhood. At my sister’s wedding we were able to laugh together, to have fun. My children were thrilled to see her and be with her. I am grateful for my mother and the newly found and evolving relationship I have with her.

Parenting young children can be exhausting. I am constantly feeling depleted and drained as I manage their schedules, emotions and needs. There are many dragged out bedtimes, after school meltdowns, and moments of frustration that bring me to my knees. At my sister’s wedding I was able to let the day to day stresses of parenting go. I got dressed up with my girls. We danced. I watched as they lit up the dance floor and snuggled with their grandparents. I am grateful for my amazing daughters who are constantly redefining love and it’s depths for me.

As we enter into the Thanksgiving holiday weekend I am trying to pause and take more moments to appreciate all that I have. I have so much, sometimes it just takes a moment in time like a wedding to remind me.