Like many of you, our holiday vacation was canceled. I shared on a more personal note, about that here.
As I write this it is a few days before the New Year. Or a few days after Christmas. Really it just feels like that movie Groundhog Day.
In the past week and a half since school got off for “break” I have felt a whole new sort of mom burden kick in.
Instead of enjoying London and Paris in all of their holiday splendor with my family we are here. At home. Yes of course we are lucky that we are all healthy and that we have a beautiful home to be in.
What was meant to be an exciting holiday trip turned into “Camp Mommy.” Each morning, I’ve felt like it’s my job to make up for the missed vacation. To find fun activities for me and the girls to do around the city while they are on break.
Like our last minute Christmas Tree. A trip to Rockefeller Center (no native New York enjoys Rockefeller Center during the holidays.) Baking cookies for Santa. Taking them to get their nails done.
My husband decided to not take the vacation days he had planned for as it made more sense to use them when we were actually on vacation. Oh, and we have a four-month-old puppy I’ve had the pleasure of house training during our unexpected time at home.
Can you relate?
It’s all too much.
When did continual and frequent sacrifice become the norm for mothers?
Recently it has felt like a radical idea to put myself first. Are you feeling that way too?
That guilty feeling of, “How dare I? How could I?”
There are so many duties in my life that are not about me. Many tasks that I do on a daily basis to serve and support others.
As mothers, we’re expected to be flexible and poised with zero fuss. To effortlessly fill the unexpected shifts and pivots, in these times, with strung together, last minute, exciting arrangements to distract everyone from the disappointment.
Recently, like many of you, the frustration has been building up and led to some feelings of burnout, and if I’m honest, a bit of resentment.
Can you relate?
I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want my girls to see me as someone who just does busy work. Who stays up too late because the late evening hours are the only time I can finally get to myself.
I want them to see me as a role model who fuels her desires and is living the most alive parts of myself.
To me, this is self-care in its truest sense.
There are moments in time when I do put myself first. When I take a true and honest break and feed my own desires.
A core value of mine is consistently practicing being intentional with my actions and my words.
While also giving myself grace by taking the stigma out of the times when my best self needs me to say no to doing the things I really don’t want to do.
Let’s just say, this is a constant practice and it’s not easy for me. Mostly because I hate saying no to things, or cancelling plans once I’ve committed.
However, when I give myself that grace, it feels so liberating and freeing.
This past weekend, after the presents had been opened and put away I decided to take myself to the movies. I told Doug I didn’t care what he and the girls did but I was going to see West Side Story ( it was brilliant!) and would be home by dinner time.
It was amazing. Sitting in that dark theater alone watching incredible dancing truly filled my cup. I walked out feeling like a new person.
Why don't we allow ourselves to do this more?
Really, why don’t we just decide to stop putting ourselves last and to stop doing the things we know we don’t really want to do?
As we close out this year, I’m reflecting on my annual Less and More list.
Rather than making a traditional list of resolutions, each year, I make myself a Less and More list. Simple bullet points of things I want to do less and more of in the coming year.
Having my yearly goals in this bite size form, written down where I can see them everyday keeps them tangible and holds me accountable.
I write it out on my favorite notecards and keep it by my bedside all year long so I can keep checking in with myself. My bedside notcard serves as a daily reminder of how I want to adjust the way I live.
Always on the “More” list is sleep, patience, laughter and rest. Those things are the hardest for me. The “Less” list always features screen time, staying up late, and snapping at those I love.
If you need it, consider this your permission slip to create your personal Less or More list that can support you in prioritizing your own feelings and needs in 2022.
DM me and tell me, what’s on your Less and More list in 2022.
Here is my Less and More List for 2021:
